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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Coby's LiveJournal:
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| Sunday, January 20th, 2008 | | 12:32 pm |
well...
due to popular demand, i suppose i should start writing in here more often. i usually just hang out in the forums. so, hi everybody! (hi dr nick!) :-P |
| Friday, December 14th, 2007 | | 10:51 pm |
rants
My jobs very stressful (I work with both disabled people AND senior citizens). But i forgot hpw to tune my violin i havent played it for so long (I started just over 16 yrs ago!) I sing, but only recreationally, and only when asked. I've just been feeling like...i guess i feel judged and am confused as how people want me to act and am rebelling now i guess. I always had an inner attitude, but never acted up outwardly, save for hurting myself. Hence I'm writing now. I feel judged on every side of anything I do, particularly religiously at this moment. I became a religious Jew in high school, and that put people off to me but also gained some respect doing that. Now i live in NY and i think that people feel im either not religious enough or too religious. i really dont think people would understand details if they themselves are not religious Jews, but whatever. bottom line is: It's the sabbath, im not supposed to use a computor OR write and i don't really give a damn anymore. This relates to the topic because i was kinda apathetic growing up and..... sorry about the rant; I'm autistic and can't be too coherent sometimes.....i feel just really confused about everything: how to fit in, sexual stuff, about my future... i guess my main problem is not fitting in. I think i don't belong to any particular group anymore and don't here to begin to look for one that i do fit in; i don't know who i am . sorry for not being so clear about it, i have trouble expressing myself sometimes. |
| Saturday, December 1st, 2007 | | 8:33 pm |
.....so maybe i was wrong. i think i am regressing to the state of mind (emotionally/mentally) that i had from 14-22. (see almost entire journal). i'm beginning to realize how much tension headaches suck :-( lots of stress for no reason (or none i can think of) eating too much (even when i'm not hungry i eat), fun stuff like that. seem familiar to anyone? |
| Tuesday, November 27th, 2007 | | 11:00 pm |
i'm back
my life has been on a much happier note as last we left off....I went to israel with some friends and just..there are absolutely no words for it. i moved to a new place of residence (Boro Park) and am soon moving yet again, I hope (Lower East Side, Manhattan). Please, catch me up with all your lives. |
| Tuesday, December 12th, 2006 | | 6:01 pm |
Last Peace
My Last Peace I just want to say good bye. I’m leaving. I’m leaving you the last of me. It’s been hard But guess what, I made it. I learned a lot along the way. I’ve seen my friends or should I explain. I worked hard, fucked up, played, got laid, cried, laughed, lied and probably hanged myself on the line. I wonder what they might say when I’m gone, they say enough when I’m here. But that depends on the crowd I’m near. This is the last peace, you might hear me when I speak, but you will no longer see me when I breathe. I’ll keep you at a need to know status. So I will no longer be battered. I won’t let no one in, to walk all over me & have me stuck on my feelings. I’m tired gossiping, and This is the Last Peace. What are you going to say 10 years from now when you face me? I will remember all you did that really phased me, But I’m gonna remain the same kid that you can’t defeat. That’s why this is the last peace. By Coby |
| 5:45 pm |
last peace
My Last Peace I just want to say good bye. I’m leaving. I’m leaving you the last of me. It’s been hard But guess what, I made it. I learned a lot along the way. I’ve seen my friends or should I explain. I worked hard, fucked up, played, got laid, cried, laughed, lied and probably hanged myself on the line. I wonder what they might say when I’m gone, they say enough when I’m here. But that depends on the crowd I’m near. This is the last peace, you might hear me when I speak, but you will no longer see me when I breathe. I’ll keep you at a need to know status. So I will no longer be battered. I won’t let no one in, to walk all over me & have me stuck on my feelings. I’m tired gossiping, and This is the Last Peace. What are you going to say 10 years from now when you face me? I will remember all you did that really phased me, But I’m gonna remain the same kid that you can’t defeat. That’s why this is the last peace. By Coby |
| Thursday, December 7th, 2006 | | 8:01 pm |
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| Tuesday, December 5th, 2006 | | 7:02 pm |
heheh
CHICAGO, Ill. -- The Fletcher Department Store was thrown into chaos asPaula Roscoe searched frantically for her missing baby. "I had handed Jack to Santa for a photo," wept the thirty-threeyear-old Roscoe. "The store was filled with people so there was a lotof movement, noise, and flashing cameras. I glanced away for a momentand when I looked back at Santa's lap my baby was gone." Store manager George Willard immediately announced the loss ofthe child over the intercom. Security personnel were placed at theexits to watch everyone who was leaving, and dozens of sympatheticshoppers searched for the missing baby. "I also called the police," said Willard. "People tend to getlonely during the holidays. Sadly, it wouldn't have been the first timea child was kidnapped in a crowded place." "We began questioning customers who had been in the vicinity," said Detective Lance Hardy. "Many remembered having seen the baby in Santa's lap, then nothing after that." Suddenly, the detective heard muffled crying. He followed the sound and realized it was coming from Santa. "Actually, it was coming from his beard," Detective Hardy said."I put my hands into the deep, fleecy whiskers and parted them. Thebaby was inside, tangled in the old man's hair. Fortunately, thoughlittle Jack Roscoe was understandably upset, he wasn't hurt." The baby hadn't cried at first because he had found a candycane that was also stuck inside the beard. Hardy returned Jack to hismother. No charges were filed. "Ricky Myers, our Santa, is eighty years old," said managerWillard. "He's a former kindergarten teacher and is real good withkids, but he gets confused sometimes. I'm sure he didn't even noticethat the baby had been enveloped by his beard." "In a way, this experience will be beneficial to Jack," saidhis relieved mother. "The day he finds out that Santa isn't real, he'll probably be relieved." </td></tr></tbody></table></td> |
| Sunday, December 3rd, 2006 | | 3:10 pm |
one of my favorite poems---yeah, i'm turning emo
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year that Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.
Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen. |
| Wednesday, November 29th, 2006 | | 8:33 pm |
| You Are Bert | 
Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!
You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you
You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil
How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others |
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| 4:35 pm |
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| 4:34 pm |
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| 2:25 pm |
Your breathing wanders through early morning dreaming I watch you underneath my own passage of dreaming and wake Your chest rises and falls Gentle breath fills your lungs and leaves your temple like a song Music to my ears my lullaby of the cold morning What are you dreaming of? What is going on underneath your eyelids? I watch as a smile forms A delicate curve True beauty radiates from your skin I want to breathe you in Lock you away inside me forever |
| Monday, November 27th, 2006 | | 10:37 pm |
Diary Of A Mad Mind Pills. Lots of them. Too much to handle sometimes, but then again; what would I be without them? Paranoia. Everybody wants to hurt me. They all stare at me, all of them; all the time. PANIC! Thoughts racing fast, fast, fast! Every thing that ever was in my life flashes in fast forward and slow reverse. Life. My life is difficult. Sometimes it’s too hard to bear…. But I shall persevere. But I shall persevere. |
| 8:32 pm |
hey, haven't updated in this group in a while, if ever..... Ok, i'm a 23 year old male, diiagnosesd at 17. I recently moved up to NY, and, not only do i not have any friends...i do not know a SINGLE aspie. this was a problem back home too. I've never really met anybody quite like me except my friend ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) lighth7015 and ive never met him IRL. I would like to at least to communicate with other aspies. I have several messanger platforms, but since AIM is the most widely used, I'll catch you at "kelevrah". thanks. My name is Coby. |
| Sunday, November 12th, 2006 | | 1:38 pm |
well, i thought it was time to update, keep this baby burning. how long has it been? months, years? anyway, im in a new place and a new environment: New York City! I think i've pretty much gotten used to the streets and attitudes, but you never really do, do you? I'm in brooklyn. brooklyn is fairly easy because the streets are so perfectly laid out, that, its actually very hard to get lost once you know the names of the streets. and those are pretty easy to remember. 1st street and so on. every 5 streets is an avenue, from a-z. the only problem i have ids that some of the avenues are not letters. so it gets kinda confusing at that part. my birthday is next week, and im getting an external hard drive, so i hope ill update more often because the semagic wont be taking up any room. it's small, but i need all the space i can get! |
| Friday, September 29th, 2006 | | 12:02 am |
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| Thursday, September 28th, 2006 | | 11:42 pm |
i fear i may be upsetting myself again. I just had a panic attack, a BIG one. my mouth went dry, my body was rigid and stiff, i started to choke, my heart was beating fast and hard against my chest. I snapped out of it in a cold sweat. im still sweating and coughing. I don't want to slip back into depression, and i absolutely MUST keep myself alive and happy. im getting to think that may be difficult, though. I need a doctor, stat. |
| Wednesday, September 27th, 2006 | | 12:18 pm |
<td>  </td><td> In your dream you see me clear
I have no restraint, no fear
Powerless I watched from faces I'd assumed.
My purpose set. My will defined.
Caress the air.
Embrace the skies.
Escape the sorrow and restraint of mortal cities.
Give me time I will be clear.
Given time you'll understand
What posesses me to right what you have suffered.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.
So many years I stood among
the thoughts and tears of those I served.
Among my own I was alone through my own doing.
All the years I walked unknown behind the faces I assumed.
Powerless to clear your mind of what you'd suffered.
They fall again.
They fall again.
Give me time I will be clear.
Given time you'll understand
What posesses me to right what you have suffered.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.
There is no faith in which to hide.
Even truth is filled with lies.
Doubting angels fall to walk among the living.
I'm in this mood because of scorn.
I'm in a mood for total war.
To the darkened skies once more and ever onward.
I'd only come here seeking peace.
I'd only come here seeking me.
It seems I came to leave. </td> |
| Monday, September 25th, 2006 | | 10:37 pm |
my first time EVER
It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret. The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I. Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do. Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine. I didn't know how But I tried my best I started by placing My hands on her breast. I remember my fear My fast beating heart But slowly she spread Her legs apart. And when I did it I felt no shame All at once The white stuff came. At last it's finished It's all over now My first time ever At milking a cow... |
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